A Love Lost
by Jean Summers
Summary: Written in Logan's POV. Based directly after Jean's recent death at the hands of Magneto. Lots of angst.


A Love Lost  
  
Chapter One: The Loss  
  
She's .. gone. I can't believe it. She's gone. That dirt bag took her away. He must pay. He .. must ..PAY! I can't think. My mind is full of thoughts .. of hatred. Hatred for Magneto. I can't believe he just killed her .. right there in front of me. In front of us; the X-Men. I clench my fists, trying to hold back the tears that want to pour free. I can't show any signs of weakness. I must stay strong. This one's for you, Red. I'm going to make him pay.  
  
Without a moment's hesitation, I run at him. I release my claws, the "snikt" sound making everyone aware. Now everyone's eyes are on me. I let out a yell .. I don't know what I'm yelling, but I'm yelling nonetheless. With a single thrust, my claws rip through the flesh of Erik's neck — right on through the bone as if it was paper. Blood spurts out. I can feel it on my hand, my forearm .. even my face. But I don't care. My hatred for Erik has always been strong .. but never as strong as it is right now. Once my claws have ripped completely through his neck, I bring my right knee up and slam it into his chest. His body — while beheaded — falls backwards onto the ground. I'm now on top of his headless body, his head lying on the ground to the side .. still in the helmet.  
  
My mind is in a rut. I don't have any control over what I'm doing,¼and I don't want to. My left hand is holding on the collar of his costume, about to rip it from his lifeless body. I feel tears streaming down my face as I thrust the claws of my right hand into Erik's chest over and over .. and over. I clench my eyes shut tightly. I can't let anyone see that I'm crying .. I must be strong for Red .. for Jean .. for Jeannie.  
  
"I'll never forgive you! NEVER!" I yell .. but not at Magneto. The tears gone, nothing more than stains on my cheeks, I turn and look over my shoulder at the team .. but mainly Scott. "You could have stopped him! You could have done something! Anything! Things didn't have to end this way!" I turn away from them and stand up from Erik's lifeless body. My claws, bloody as they are .. I pull them back into my forearm. I have to get out of here. I've got to go somewhere .. anywhere. I need time to think, to sort out my thoughts.  
  
Without saying anything to the staring X-Men, I leave. I don't run .. I don't jog .. I walk away. I'm staring at the ground, not paying attention to where I'm going. I can't. I'm thinking too much about you. I didn't get to say goodbye, Jeannie. I didn't get to say goodbye. I didn't get to tell you that I love you. I can't stand it .. I've failed you.  
  
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I don't know what time it is .. but I've yet to return to the mansion. I'm in the woods now .. I've started a little campfire to give me light. Not that I need it. The wind is blowing .. it's a bit chilly. No big deal. I can't feel anything, anyway. All I can feel is failure. Empty beer cans lie around me, a full one held in my hand — unopened. I guess drinking yourself drunk is kind of pointless when you have a healing factor that prevents you from becoming drunk .. but I don't care. I pop open the top, and chug the entire can right then and there. It's my last one. Once it's empty, I crunch it in my hand and throw it into the fire. I watch as the fire engulfs it, beginning to melt away the aluminum .. Slowly .. painfully.  
  
"I'm sorry, Jeannie," no one's around .. I'm talking to you. "I should o' done somethin'. Anything. But I couldn't. I .. wanted t'save ye'. I just .. couldn't move. I'm sorry." I close my eyes as I feel tears coming once more. I fight them back. I fail .. just like I failed you. I avenged you, but it still didn't bring you back. I wish it had. But .. nothing will. Nothing. I've lost you. I've got to go on .. I've got to stay strong. Hopefully, once again, .. you'll keep to your namesake .. and rise from the ashes.  
  
-END- 


End file.
